Hold My Beer

3 Sep 2022

Fuzzy Melon is one of the most helpful, adventurous, and fun guys you can fly with. But Fuzzy also refuses to be bored, is wildly impetuous, comically wicked, and mischievous by nature. Think, Leroy Jenkins in space. This means when you fly with Fuzzy, it is all but inevitable that you will end up in one of three states: on the run, incarcerated, or dead.
Need help loading your ship full of illicit drugs? No problem. Just sit back and watch as Fuzzy gingerly sneaks parcels after parcel off another player’s ship, and on to yours, whenever that crew turns their backs to load more. Hilarious. Until they notice. Inevitable state: on the run.
Need help clearing a bunker full of bad guys. No problem. Just sit back and watch as Fuzzy whimsically kicks the hornet’s nest, heroically shooting to-and-fro. Exciting. Until a stray round hits a guard. Inevitable state: incarcerated.
Need help cracking a particularly large and valuable rock? No problem. Just sit back and watch as Fuzzy swoops in to add his laser power to your own. Wonderful. Until he becomes distracted taking screenshots, overcharges the rock and it reaches critical mass. Inevitable state: dead.
No matter what we are doing, whether intentional or not, Fuzzy finds a way of making things a lot more interesting. And sure, things often do go our way thanks to Fuzzy’s guile and altruism but we’re choosing to ignore those memories for even greater ones. The kind of memories that usually only happen right after hearing the words, “…